woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Shame - the story of my life.
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