I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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