Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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