i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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