Me. At least after what I've been through.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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