I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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