Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
