So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
