I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
