the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
