New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In other news, I just burned my penis
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
