ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
