I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
