Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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