Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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