i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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