if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
being pregnant is like rehab
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
