you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
