that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
