My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
