You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
