Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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