Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
