That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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