i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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