Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
