I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
