he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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