I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
