I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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