you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
