it's great music for shaving your balls
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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