All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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