I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
