I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
