Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
