The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
