we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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