I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You are a genius and a whore.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
