if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
