What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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