1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
