and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
