I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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