Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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