lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
