If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
