so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I wear drunk well.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
