so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
