I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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