I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
