I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
