I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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