Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
