I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
