Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
