I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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