where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
